Well, my fiancé is at work right now, so I can probably get away with a little ljing without the constant looking over my shoulder. If he reads, he reads, but I don't like him reading whilst I'm actually doing the writing, it makes me double take and adjust and not really write like I normally do. Social filters are not always good things.
It was my birthday yesterday and I was absolutely overwhelmed by the number of well wishes and so on, especially given that I've pretty much disappeared and not been online as of late. I'm trying to rectify that because I've realised just how much I've let friendships slide. I've become exactly the person that I loathe - so wrapped up in a romance that I don't pay attention to the outside world. It disgusts me that I've become that way.
The day was ok, though. Hans was supposed to have finished work by lunchtime and then we were going out for dinner and having a romantic night in.... but he got stuck at the office and my mum decided to drive the hundred miles down to see me. Ugh. I thought I was going to have a mother free birthday. (on the plus side, she approves of the engagement ring, and I didn't think she would). In the evening we sat and watched season one of Spaced with a pizza. Yeah, not really a romantic night in.... but very us!
Gifts wise... I got gifts from the family before I left. So I got money for new underwear (yay!) and a new sat nav (seeing as I'm supply teaching, I've been stealing my mum's sat nav to find all the different schools). So I was very excited. Exactly what I asked for. And I got the traditional lottery ticket as well (very long story there. MAy have told it another year).
My sister gave me a bottle of the new Hugo Boss Orange perfume along with the matching body lotion (mainly because it came free with the perfume... but still!). It is gorgeous. I'm funny with perfumes because most of them react badly on my skin and smell really bad. There are only about four I can wear. This one is gorgeous because it smells like orange blossom for the first few hours, then fades to vanilla as the undertones come out. Really yummy. And lasts forever (which is nice.... even the good ones don't usually last that long!).
Hans' parents gave me this gorgeous fluffy sheep pencil case... as a joke. Thing is... despite the "joke", it's a pencil case I've genuinely wanted for ages now because I collect sheep. It's amazing. His parents are away at the moment, so I sent a text to say thank you and his mother thought I was taking the piss because I was so effusive!
He gave me this book by Philip Glenister about the seventies and eighties. It seems to be written in the style of Gene Hunt as well, which is hilarious. I'm going to have to train him out of giving me random books though... he gave me "Physics of the Buffyverse" a couple of months back and I was sort of left going, "ummm.... yeah.... thanks." Apparently he's got me something cool and geeky but, in true internet shopping style, it hasn't arrived yet!
Kelly and Nigel bought me dinner and drinks on Sunday and also this cool light up squishy goo ball thing. I can't really explain it... but it's awesome and silly.
Changing the topic slightly.... engagement.
See, this is my little corner of the universe where I feel I can be completely upfront and honest and no-one's going to judge me. Facebook has work colleagues and so on, forums are far too.... my LJ you're only really going to find if you're looking for it. It's not just something you stumble on. I could friends lock it, but meh. At the end of the day.... if he reads this, so what? I've said it to him to his face numerous times.
It all seems far too soon and far too fast. Yes, we've been friends for a while now, but being friends with someone is very different to being in a relationship with someone. And being in a relationship with them can be very different to living with them etc.
I'm not an easy person to date. I'm moody, aggressive, I get stressed easily, I can be lazy and messy and I'm just not an easy person to get on with. I need space and lots of it. Hans likes to be constantly around and cuddly and so on. He's my complete opposite in that respect (we had a huge row the other week when I was crewing at LFCC and he decided to follow me round like a puppy whilst I was working).
But despite being friends and so on, we've only been together together for a few months. It really is not long enough to even consider getting engaged. I was talked round by his friend Kelly, his parents, my parents, and my friends Laura and Amanda. Who all said that we can take it easy, have a long engagement, that they always knew we'd end up together etc, etc.
I think my biggest fear is that I'm usually the one who is way more into it and thinking of settling down etc.I'm the one that falls in love stupidly quickly and gets carried away. And yet, here I am worrying that it's too soon and everything else. That doesn't sit right with me. It really doesn't.
I do want to marry him, I do want to spend my life with him, have children with him and everything else... but not quite yet. But that, as all our friends and family keep pointing out, is what the engagement is for. It's a "Yes but not yet..."
So I'm engaged and still very torn on how I feel about things. We won't be getting married until 2011 at least (Well... I want more than a year because I've pretty much said that I want to be able to get used to the idea of being engaged before I start planning a wedding! That and we'd both love to do SDCC as a honeymoon. Yupp, we're geeks).
Anyway... I'm off to play on the Sims 3. Evil game but very cool and fun!